the leak is probably symbolic somehow

2 songs vying for top occupancy in my head over the last week: "it's a lovely day today" ella fitzgerald; and "my kind of town" sinatra. and yes, the weather is frightening. the fucking ceiling is leaking again. i came home to hear the soft patting on the carpet- a rather soothing noise, actually- and when i discovered the source i felt sick. please pray for the sparing of the bed. the windows are pelleted with sideways raindrops. the loosely mounted screens are buckling in the wind. i still love rain, the smell, and the way puddles look when gusts cross them, but these are quickly evolving to symbolize a feeling of powerlessness and clausterphobia.
since i am never fully satisfied with any given moment, i will surely whinge about it when it happens, but right now i am idealizing those summer days of stagnant air and evaporating sweat and overnight freckles and people bitching about the heat. shadeless sun for weeks on end. cloying blackberry smells. my shirt sticking to my back in my un-airconditioned car. constant congestion. cottonwood fluff pooling at the curbs. nighttime: a dank smell over the city, steam rising from grates, long sleeves abrading sunburns, the sound of swiveling sprinklers.
walking here tonight: the wind at my back, rain/mist drenching me and my bag, my cigarette wet and foul-tasting, people scowling as they pass, nearly falling on my ass as i skid across a sidewalk grate. it could be icy. i could be in a wheelchair. i could be in a cardboard box.
10:45pm on a sunday night: jazz is playing. couple across from me is sharing from a take-out box. he is drinking a squat bottle of cider. man at the window is nodding to the music, drinking a beer; i can see his jaw muscle spasming. another guy with a laptop and admirable sideburns. a hardbound copy of 'roots' on the communal bookshelf. i am drinking honey ginseng green tea. this sort of jazz is very monotonous after awhile. 'smooth jazz', a radio would call it. my parents would listen to this sort of music on sunday mornings as they drank their coffee and bailey's. i would get bailey's from the time i was about 10 years old. i did like weekend mornings when i was younger.
one of my favorite things: being introverted in a public place. it is relaxing to be able to look up and see people and not have to speak to any of them. i will never live outside of a city again.