apartment 22

last night was my first at the new place. i drove up after work feeling quite giddy about the prospect. the apartment was freezing cold. the radiator was freezing cold. i called my landlord and left a message. i tried to put together the GODDAMN bed from ikea. there were extra parts and undrilled holes and i finally assembled it my own way, leaving a stack of mystery pieces on the floor. (every time i buy things at ikea i vow to never put myself through the torture again: from the crowded rat-maze annoyance of the actual store to how inane i feel when i try to follow their legoman-guided instructions, to how everything i end up with proves that ikea truly is swedish for "cheap shit". .. alas, i now, and will continue to, have furnishings provided solely by them.) please note that assembly involved me wearing a coat, since there was no heat. 2nd call to landlord went to message. i tried not to sound too bitchy. the shower was hot but the tap is still faulty; i had to use pliers to turn it from a torrent to a trickle.
sleep, 2.30am. wakefulness, 7.20am, to dripping. the ceiling above the brand-new bed with the brand-new mattress and brand-new bedding was leaking. thankfully it was leaking on the floor. i counted 2 seconds between drips. i threw toilet paper into a plastic dish to muffle the sound. when i finally woke back up, around 10, my legs were cramped from freezing my ass off in a fetal position all night. the dish was almost full with more evil brown water. it is, of course, raining outside. i sat on the carpet with a box as a table and ate tofu whilst shivering.
the heat is back on now. apparently it was off for the entire building. i am pleased that everyone else was miserable too. i blared 'all gates open' and pranced around naked in the living room. it always amazes me how beautiful the simple things really are. thus i conclude with treacle.
off to work! perhaps tomorrow the toilet will overflow.