willie!

he sounded fantastic. our seats- the blanket on the grass- were on the extreme periphery and the stage was obscured by speakers. but towards the end of the show the security guards relaxed a bit- i took this about 15' from him, surrounded by jostling folk clapping their hands arythmically.
he played 'georgia.' and 'crazy'. and 'blue eyes crying in the rain.' and, of course, 'whiskey river.' he did not play 'time of the preacher', but i can forgive that.
the venue sells beer and wine, 2 drink limit per counter visit. thus, buying 2 glasses of wine gets you a plastic pint glass filled with wine. and that is what i did. "all i need is a fucking straw" i said. j was busy manhandling 2 sloshy cups of ipa.
it was one of the best nights i've had in a while. at least a week.
*
the (dying) pet skunk at work. descented, they are fucking adorable.

lick-happy
(these morning pictures just gush with authenticity)

i was walking home about 2 weeks ago, circa 1am, and passed this window. this picture was taken from the sidewalk and though the blinds. i find myself making up stories about it.

and your typical seattle window... just, just heard about palin being mccain's vp nomination. fucking fuck. that was an annoyingly savvy move. he's going for the vagina vote.

she said my pressure was perfect

it has rained approximately 3 inches over the last few days. in august, this is peculiar. it has lent a melancholic pensive air to everything- not bad, just a distinct change in atmosphere- i feel like i feel in november, but with flowers blooming, if that makes sense.
listening to a very, very nostagic album today added to the patina. again, not bad- simply put me squarely back into another era, to the point that i am impressed at how much i retain from the seemingly mundane without being conscious of it at the time.
see: fremont lair, devoid of furniture, cold as fuck, cat hair skittering in clumps across the wood floor. i am kneeling in front of the stereo playing this album, this fuck-me-to-this-album album that someone was kind enough to burn for me. i am playing it for someone new. he is indifferent, which devolves into contempt and scurrility once he realizes its source. a fight ensues. it was probably one of the many nights i left that apartment -my home, not his- to get away from it. i walked fremont at two, three in the morning many, many times that winter. if it wasn't actively raining, at least everything was still wet. the world was lit from within. and like a fucking fool, i felt like the most complicated person alive.
*
i had forgotten how good the album actually is.
it provided a very nice soundtrack today.
*
school: front-of-leg massage today, back-of-leg tomorrow. i have not yet properly studied for the exam on the skeletal system. the human body amazes me. everything makes sense. we are lyrical beasts. thus i am rewarding my lyricism with a glass of red wine...
after class i went to a reptile CE at work. whilst there a client brought in her pet skunk. i had never before seen a skunk up close. and they are adorable, even when near death as this one was. their hair is long and coarse, cavy-like. i took blurry pictures. his leg was too edematous for me to effectively catheterize.
"take take take" is playing. i fucking love this song. it is extremely fun to sing along with, loudly, my voice purposely cracking. the frantic, irrational obsessiveness of it has always turned me on. and the dissonant cadence helps.
*
my heart is in my mouth
*
i am so fucking excited for whatever happens next.

happy i am

i am really fucking pleased with my life!
it has been years since i can say that with alacrity!
hence the fragmented sentences and superfluous exclamation points!

!!!!!!!!!!!

it fucking poured today. the air was warm and the rain was visible as it careened through the sky. and the smells of the city brought me back. i am awakened. i can feel my pupils dilate. something really fucking cool is already happening. this is the new era.
i stayed after class to give another massage. i am completely flustered with the chest sequence. i am very confident about the back. the sun broke through the clouds during petrissage.
'leisureville' is an incredibly disturbing tome- not only for the crux of its content but for the blind joy that its habitants express over its existence. it should be read by all who plan on aging. i read it whilst hunched on the floor of the UW bookstore until they closed. then i traipsed to bleu to discuss religion with a stranger at the bar. now: the ambience is warm, i am enjoying hot green tea, and i got to hear the cure's 'a forest' for the first time in years. that is a completely perfect song.
*
i took an impromptu jaunt to thurston county last night to assuage some of the familial dissonance with my delightful mother. we had a very good talk, laughed until we cried, and watched the olympics. and i cried some more. when shawn johnson's parents embraced in the stands i completely lost it. i am snivelingly susceptible to other people's emotions. i felt great love for the world as i sat in my mother's armchair, on my ass, watching athletic feats.
i drove home in torrential rain. i very nearly fell asleep. my car kept waking me up as it drifted over the rumble strips. i nearly hit an articulated bus. i inexplicably got a second wind around sea-tac, window fully rolled down, arm getting wet, blaring 'got to get you into my life' under blurry orange clouds. when i safely reached my lair i kissed the steering wheel.
*

so i built an ark/ but no rain came

things have been good. school is doubtlessly one of the most positive things i've done for my life in years. i have not had a cigarette since 4 july 2008. the days have been warm and filled with dr dog, peanuts 'n' dry kamut cereal, laser-pointering the cats, keeping my nails short and torso aligned. the one black spot on the last several weeks: family dynamics. i keep hoping things are better with my relationship with my parents. but then they aren't. last week my father admitted that my mother is a 'functioning alcoholic' (which was quite a relief to hear aloud- thank god someone else acknowledged this) (she was not present at the time) and then proceeded to tell me that my various autoimmune inconveniences are a product of my own weak will, that i 'let things' happen to me. "you were healthy as a kid" he said. "i don't understand why you suddenly think you have all these problems"... among other nasty, unprovoked, jaw-droppingly passive-aggressive things, stated with weird glittering hateful eyes that i did not fucking recognize. i had been inanely, cheerfully babbling about something random (the cute ketchup bottle? the buildings he'd inspected that day?) and was abruptly floored with his disgust and resentment- i thought "he fucking blames me, he hates me, he is such an unhappy person"- i cannot state it articulately at all, but it was a feeling of "whoa- holy shit- what just happened?" my dad has always had the ability to scare the fucking shit out of me. i tried to repeatedly nullify the situation- "we had such a good time last week, let's just relax"- "can we change the subject please?"- "i'm sorry i misunderstood you."- until finally i said "dad, i love you, and i'm really sorry, but i have to go now." and i walked out of the restaurant.
when i got to the sidewalk i did a couple unattractive huffy-breaths but, weirdly, i did not cry. i just started walking. for a moment i felt like that fucking sixteen-year-old with a fat lip and nowhere to go, but then i remembered that i have my own life now... and lots of places to go.
i don't even want to write about it because it makes me very fucking sad. and embarrassed. and furious. and i feel like an ungrateful, ignorant fucking asshole, but i am so fucking tired of his behavior towards me and my mother and everyone else that i am about ready to call it a fucking draw.
a family is one you choose- people whom you love because they are lovable and they love you back.
and an interjection: i am fine. i am healthy and happy and have the bloodwork and tanned arms and annoying laugh to prove it. and i can repeat that incessantly to my father, i can physically SHOW him, but he has a loop of self-invented libel in his head to drown reality out. always has. and anything i say or do is irrelevent- it interferes with his negative agenda. in lieu of arguing pointlessly, i acquiesce like a little bitch.
i've known a surprising number of men like this, actually.
on a brighter, far brighter note, i just discovered a new and delicious form of crack! thanks, thestranger.com!
http://www.parallelfilmguide.com/index.php?title=Main_Page
further length and brevity shall ensue sooner.
that, i realize as i type, would be a beast of a sentence to diagram.