my lemon's been squeezed and my leg is wet

wednesday: the greyness returned, weatherly and subsequently mentally. i am fucking tired of this winter. i don't recall the last several kicking my ass so violently. i worked at the tacoma ER all day. i assisted in surgery for 3 hours: my first pelvic repair! i have always before worked at clinics that referred intensive orthopedic surgeries elsewhere, so this was fun. it involved screwing pins from the ischium to the sacrum. the 'after' radiograph looked surprisingly perfect. the doctor was very jovial. "it hurts if you screw the pins into your hands instead" he said. a power drill was used.
after work i was feeling oddly crabby. walked around in the dark. bought some curry powder and a trashy magazine. felt the odd combination of hyperactivity and apathy. it turned out to be exhaustion.
today: the bare branches outside my (3rd floor) window were alternately beating against the glass and catching the wind with a whining sound. the streets were wet. i was to meet with "juan" to go over a new car insurance thing in lynnwood, so i started driving north. my car died on the interstate. at first i thought i'd run out of gas, so i walked 2 miles each way in the sadistic wind and horizontal rain to buy a gas can and petrol (spilling it on myself in the process). you know when it's so cold that you don;t realize your nose is running until snot hits your lip? oh, neither do i, for that would simply be disgusting.
returned to my sad little car, which had already been tagged on the windows as a possible impound, and attempted to refuel whilst unwittingly eating my own hair and being narrowly missed by cars careening past. and the car would not fucking start. i called the gas station i had just returned from, then a tow truck. the tow guy was a surly asshole. it cost ~$80 to tow the car 2 miles. i was in a bit of a panic. without my car, i am fucked: i cannot get to either of my jobs. the stupidity of commuting 60 miles each way was very evident. it turned out to be the fuel pump. nothing i could have done to prevent it. it will cost ~$500 to replace. it should be ready tomorrow.
wandered around in a haze for most of the day. i am not upset about the car now; knowing what it is and that it will be fixed makes it much easier to deal with... though the timing fucking sucks, i must say. i keep reminding myself that i have my health, i am employed, i have savings, tra-la, but it doesn't change the fact that this has been a clusterfuck of a month overall. the weather remained absolutely horrid. i kept buying hot tea to remain warm. good things about today: if the car debacle hadn't occured, i may not have gotten to try cherry vanilla and 'white dynasty' teas, both of which are extremely delicious.
on one bus: grouchy woman stomps to the back row (i am at one end) and surveys the other woman's cosmo. "sixty sex secrets" she says. "i should read that." on another bus: woman with childlike red ski hat half-slides down the aisle while shouting "get me off this GODDAMN bus!" nearly everyone is wearing headphones. i am not, so i get to overhear multiple phone conversations, all conducted by rather vapid girls. stopped at an aquarium store- i fucking love watching fish. serpeant starfish are some of the coolest creatures i have ever seen. i had never heard of them before. prehistoric-looking with a knobby yet oddly malleable body/head and twirly legs. if medusa was a starfish...
on the walk down here tonight i was stopped by an altered hippie boy. "i love you" he said. i smiled and kept walking.