i had been mentally composing this imminent BLOG all day but, of course, it seems terribly trivial now...
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this is my current environment.
the well gin here is bombay. i'm impressed.
the sunset tonight was blood-red, escaping through the relentless clouds at the perfect time. people on the bus craned their necks to admire the pink reflections on ship canal. my headphones were playing "sky saw."
today was my first day off since friday. i had amorphous plans of general lackadasia; i overdid it and slept for about 12 hours. i did not know i could physically do that; i never have. typically, i get about five hours a night- and that's great. i wake up quickly and go about my (admittedly slothful for the first several hours) day. this has thrown me off since- i feel slightly detached from my surroundings. i went to a forum titled "a life worth living: a doctor's reflections on illness in a high-tech era" at the library tonight. the median age, approximately 52. the moderator was an interrupting moron (which, as i type this, automatically recalls the interrupting cow joke) but the discussion was extremely interesting- it's an ethical dilemma i've been fucking with lately- the ability to provide the care v. the desire to make nothing suffer. just because the technology is there doesn't mean it should be utilized...
natural selection has been scientifically vanquished. i have moral issues with this... even as the emotional side of me injects my leg with shit every week to keep MS at bay. i'm a fucking hypocrite... every week, as i hold a needle over my skin, i cannot help but wonder if i'm worth it. i haven't made my big contribution to society yet... i have no saucer-eyed offspring... why do i bother? why does anyone? why are humans so fucking hellbent on fighting the inevitable?
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there is no one in this town to go dancing with.
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metaphorically and literally.
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intermediate swing starts next week.
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something has to change. by august, it will.
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