things are not going as smoothly this week. my attitude from the get-go is much sourer. also, I am fucking sober, which seemed like a smarter idea until I am actually on the rink. '7 nation army' plays, most likely the only quality song of the evening. c is zipping around with his iPod. I am the pissy nerd on the bench.
this feels like my epitaph today. I've been in a truly foul mood all day. I feel like physical shit. I left my bag at c's place and he drove; otherwise I'd just go. this is probably a good thing for me, though; it's good to trap myself in uncomfortable situations that I cannot easily escape from, if only to give myself the opportunity to suck it up and potentially see the bright side.
j reminded me that we met ten years ago. I had forgotten the date, though I have it written on the inside cover of an old journal... I knew immediately that it was one of those "your life is going to be different now" moments. I miss that feeling: when the world slows down and the edges seem sharper. it's weird that I had to be reminded... I was walking out of pike place. buckets of daffodils were for sale, a dollar a stem. Michael Douglas is on the cover of the new vanity fair. I walked with my hands in my pockets, thinking sbout how horrible most of my twenties were.
more later... no edit.