pentel markers... i bought these in bellingham about 3 years ago. most of the colors are completely dried up. the bright green went first, followed by the orange and red.

which colors dry out first is, i suppose, very revealing about a person. i never used the lemon yellow or black at all.
i should do a study about this...
meanwhile... i didn't tour the atelier.
i left a message on the very nice woman's answering machine at 1230am. i was sitting on my sofa, in the dark, watching fire ants along i-5. i got off the phone and said "fuck" aloud, in my quiet apartment, to the disinterest of my fucking cats and whatever else is keeping me here.
i am relieved to not have that extra onus... there is no way in fuck i could have done it. i know that. but i really, really liked the idea of "something to do." i like to go all-out... to convince myself, perhaps, that i am possibly somehow serious about something.
*
i suppose am serious about dance. dancing makes me happy. we learned more of the swing-out and lindy circle tonight. i fucking get it. i am only as good, unfortunately, as my partner... but most of the guys in the class are all right. i signed up for the next 5-week sequence; it involves more focus on the charleston and the six-step (aka east coast, which i already know). i rearranged my work schedule to be able to take this class. now i just need someone to go dancing socially with... it is nice to have something that i uncontrollably grin about. and it was the first time all day that i was actually, honestly, warm.
*
the girl has been fucking repulsive for 13 years. she's never figured out the classic feline hallmarks of, say, grooming herself or actually covering her shit in the litter box. so i shaved her. she seems to like it, mainly because i actually want to touch her now.

i need to pretty this up a bit. perhaps she'll come with me to work tomorrow.
*
i like photographs of random normalcy. doesn't everyone? no?

that's not my asscrack, that's my tramp stamp. thanks, former neighbor, for enlightening me to that term.

my schedule goes back to 'official' full-time in april. i'll be working at the brand-new renton clinic on sundays- across the street from fucking ikea! it'll be exciting to be in a shiny new environment. i desperately need a change of scenery. i need a lot of other things, also, but this is one of the more tangible examples. i really do enjoy what i do. and honestly, having multiple days off in a row bores me- i get fucking stir-crazy. the new schedule gives me monday, wednesdays, and fridays off. have i dialogued this prior? it'll be fine for the short-term- and at least i have a job.
i was feeling ambitious last night so i stopped at the grocer (one of my favorite pasttimes when slightly lit and by myself) and bought practical things like jello and eggs. i love 24-hour places in the middle of the night. why are these people there? i've been in line behind a single man buying 30 hungry man frozen dinners... giggly underage couples buying lunchmeat and oranges... women in sweatpants buying tampons and cheese. people are fascinating. lately i've been buying the same basic crap: lettuce, tortilla chips, and soup. i hate using my "preferred customer" card; i know they have a huge dossier of my pathetic rut-riddled life. they know i'm off the peanuts-chex and onto the coleslaw... and that i still feed my cats crappy friskies and use 1-ply toilet paper.
i shall close with the entropy-pants. it took her almost 3 years, but she's become the coolest fucking cat.

signed, the perma-spinster.