everything's better with a marimba or hammond organ.

this week has shown me how awful things could be and how fucking wonderful they actually are. i think i appreciate... but i take it for granted that things will work out certain ways: i'll get up in the morning. i will be ambulatory. i will be employed. i will be healthy, able to communicate, able to see, warm. my friends and family will be healthy and happy. i do not realize how much i fucking EXPECT until the threat of nothingness reminds me.
today i woke up and the house was warm. sunshine was streaming in. i made coffee, read the paper, smiled like a goon, walked to the bus stop with the rolling stones "cherry oh baby" in my headphones, didn;t slur too much at work, had a client tell me that my massage was "one of the best" he's ever had, received sparkly fingerless gloves from a coworker, was able to leave early... i feel light again. the last few days have been saturated with a grey dread unlike any i've felt in years, and now... i feel optimistic. whatever happens, within reason... because there's obviously still sundry ways to yank the rug out from under me.
i shall be less vague when i know more stuff...
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on the way to work i had a Quintessential Seattle Moment (QSM): walking in front of the qfc on broadway, an empty dick's cup kicked in my general direction by a cursing teenage indigent with neon orange shoelaces and a requisite mongrel. i had my headphones on (dresden dolls, then) but i heard the "fuuuuckkk" he was yelling at another guy. i smiled when i was past. it seemed more poignant at the time than it does now, writing about it...
i was sleeping downstairs friday night and heard a hellacious storm- shit blowing against the windows, wind howling... i woke up freezing. no power. it hadn't been on in a while and it didn't come on until long after i'd left for work at 2pm. my lair was about 50 degrees. it SUCKED. i;ve lived on queen anne for, fuck, four and a half years (!) and i've never had the power go out for more than a clock-fucking second. i got to work early so i could charge my phone and thaw and eat soup. i would not last a day in the wild.
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i made a huge fucking pot of gruel last week. it turned out really well on thursday... it has since congealed and become the slop of "please sir, can i have some more?" i boiled potatoes and celery with a shit-ton (too much, even for me) of salt, BACON SALT, basil, oregano, some generic seasoning mix that comes in a cool box with a chicken on it, textured vegetable protein, dried onions, and quinoa. it makes me feel like i'm living in a drafty flat in poland. or in an unheated apartment in seattle... i've been eating it cold. now that it's four days old and has that creepy condensation-puddle at the bottom of the pot, it's pretty depressing food. but it was fun to make. ain't nothin' much radder than carrying 10 pounds o' taters up a fucking hill... except for carrying cat litter.
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i started "ham on rye" yesterday. you should too.
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last week o showed me his office. glossy red and grey walls, stark artwork, blitzen trapper on the hi-fi. he has a mechanical table. plants. he gave me a vial of sweet basil oil. i like seeing people taking massage in a non-froofy direction. he's debating quitting the sanctuary. "i don't want you to go" i said, looking around his space, "but you totally should."
other things of the past week:
-huge deep-voiced transvestite receptionist at planned parenthood. i didn't realize she was a he until she greeted me in a baritone.
-ceviche and amazing carmelly rum at la isla.
-impressive quantity of chocolate vomit from a very pathetic-looking dog.
-dry cereal dragged through butter.
-the beta band. the budos band. serge gainsbourg. the beatles' version of 'memphis tennessee.'
-jasmine incense.
-chicken noodle soup.
-researching about things i never thought i'd fucking research.
-i shall be staying at the AdaM hotel in reykjavik! note the capital letters. it is part of the name.
-turning a client onto the church. the band.
-stabbing myself with the needle i just did a cystocentesis on... on urine filled with rod bacteria. my finger's still there.
-hitting a van at a stop light, no damage.
-DADT is no more!
-neither is don van vliet.
-an unexpected email from k telling me that he thought of me when he heard he died. he did have excellent taste in music, i'll give him that.
-a man with dark-framed glasses and a full white beard at the table beyond, arms folded across his chest, asking earnestly of his date if she, by chance, does hot yoga.
-i'm going to vegas in february! i have the CE check in my bag... enough for registration, airfare, and probably accommodations. i've never been to las vegas as a nonsmoker... should be interesting.
-i gave a 45 minute chair massage today. i was sweating and watching the clock... there is only so much you can do. she seemed satisfied... she smiled and took my card.
-I HAVE FUCKING BUSINESS CARDS! with my name on them! printed, from a print shop! i picked them up on friday! eeeeeeeeeeee! so exciting!
-there is a lunar eclipse commencing tomorrow night at ~1015 PST, so i heartily recommend you gaze skyward.
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it's good. life is good.
no edit
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god damn. i just looked out the window, happenstance, and fuck if it's not fucking snowing. sleety ridiculous snotty stuff. huh. i have nothing good to say about that...
i originally looked out the window to speculate on how many memories i have from this vantage point... a decade's worth. and i'm still alive, and so are you.