https://fortress.wa.gov/doh/providercredentialsearch/SearchResult.aspx
look! go on! fucking hell! it's awesome!
now i can exhale and humbly chronicle the angst of the last 2 months... the daily checking of this website, the bleatings on facebook of classmates getting licensed before i -i, i would snottily, silently fume, who took the boards before any of them!-, the general foul feelings of envy and frustration and helplessness and the delusions of "fuck massage, i already have a career, i never really cared about it, i just wanted something to do..."
i finally called the dept of health today. i went to the calder exhibit at the seattle art museum- he's already one of my favorite artists, but my fucking god. i think i like the shadows his pieces cast against the blank white walls more than the solid creations. "gamma" is my favorite- it reminds me of a time-lapse film of springtime. i asked a kindly guard if i could take pictures. he said no and thanked me for asking. i smiled and blurted out "damn!" i immediately apologized.
the silver prints from his NY studio were fucking awesome- photographs that were taken in the 30s-40s, full of shapes and shadows. yes, the beauty of calder is in the remnant left behind- that moment when you look at the reflection and it resembles a fish, or a flower, and then you realize your mind went somewhere you totally didn't intend it to go in imagining that... that is art. that is art to me, anyhow... anything that evokes a response you may have not anticipated in yourself.
um, calder...
so after i wandered through the exhibit (and revisited my favorite piece of SAM's permanent collection, "leda and the swan" by john covert) and was all lulled and mellow, but admittedly gushingly menstrual, i remembered the 2-month clusterfuckery of my licensure. "FUCK THIS" i thought, and i sat on an exceedingly comfortable wooden ergonomic chair in a marble stairwell, across from a statue of a camel, and dialed olympia. what had held up my license thus far? an LVT from alaska, 2002, that had been misread as "LMP (licensed massage practitioner)" that they needed a copy of (and upon realizing their gaffe cheerfully said "oh! don't worry about that. that one's for animals!", and a lack of a date for the taking of my boards. "it was september 22" i said. "i think. it was the tuesday of that week." "oh!" said barbara, the very nice woman whom i've dealt with for all my washington licensure woes. "there you are! you popped right up!"
i *should* be annoyed with the dunderheads in olympia for fucking up the last month+ of my life (and i *should* be annoyed with cortiva for fucking up the previous month) but i am not. i am elated. i have the "license" page on speed-dial on my phone. i was in fremont, holding a cup of hibiscus tea in one hand and cynically checking my status with the other, standing underneath an awning to avoid the pissing rain, and i fucking gasped. i squealed. i yelled "HOLY SHIT!" and started to laugh. i may have even danced. i don't quite remember.
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i listened to "another way to die", the jack white-alicia keys collaboration that is REALLY FUCKING GOOD, whilst staring out the bus window and grinning like a fool. i am fucking proud. the world opens up in a way i have not allowed myself to acknowledge thus far. even if i never do anything with it, i could. and i remembered tonight how much i fucking love cranio-sacral. i am excited again. i feel like i finally fucking accomplished something with my admittedly scattershot life.
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the tongue-plant above and this dewy li'l marvel are both from one of my favorite places in seattle, the indoor sun shoppe. today was fucking bleak. i am a greenhouse whore in general, and this place has humidity and succulents up the wazoo... and they're open several hours later than the volunteer park conservatory.
i believe their secretions are to trap wayward insects... this is a carnivorous plant. they become paralyzed in the sticky miasma! plants are fucking brilliant.
the "blue study" posted yesterday? NO LONGER APPLICABLE. i love the softness of this, how everything bleeds into itself. this is a curvature of the EMP, obviously. the sky was that fucking grey.
monday night? i found "vox" at the used bookstore. i reread it in one sitting. the last 'session' always makes me fucking squirm. an older woman was browsing nearby. i was studiously trying not to grind myself against the chair. oh brynn, don't write that! i carefully reshelved the book in its proper place afterwards. thanx vox, yr awesome 4ever!
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i already love this dumb town, but today i love my place in it a little more.
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