Tuesday, March 31, 2009

crying over you

it occured to me during the walk: i have no pictures of my lair from afar. queen anne high school, the hulking building atop the hill- look immediately below it for the large light blue apartment complex. two doors down to the left, i am the red roof.

we watched eileen court get devoured by bulldozers last week. the walls crumpled and dust filled the intersection. it was the one time in the last year that i did not have my fucking camera with me. the detritus is still piled; a block away i could already smell the mildewy wood.

we have been hanging out a lot. the more we do, the more i want. certain people make me feel very fucking greedy. i finally saw 'mulholland drive' last night. the theater scene was fucking brilliant. by the end of the movie only two of the sundry votive candles were still burning.
when i first saw this i exclaimed "wow, i have a styrofoam head too! but i put glasses on my cactus instead." he smiled politely.

i just found out that more people got laid off at work. i am panicky and excited and hyperactive and sad and really fucking agitated... my thoughts flipping between the cruel rigors of reality and the novelty of my lovely little fantasyland.
i honestly don't fucking know what's going to happen next. with anything. sometimes this doubt feels fantastic, but right now i'm scared as hell.

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