suckery

on the way to the airport yesterday, the cab driver animatedly pointed out the extent of the hurricane's destruction. there is an 8' high water mark on the barrier walls lining the interstate. part of this very freeway was under water for over a month. "look at all the new roofs" he said, swerving into adjoining lanes as he gestured. "what the flooding didn't ruin, the wind and falling trees did. this whole section of town was on fire-" and he indicates the gutted holiday inn, nearly two years later, unchanged. "new fences, new fences-" the freeway is over a mile from the lake, over a mile from the river, but stagnant canals line nearly every major road. it was over 90 degrees yesterday. "by august you don't leave your house" someone else told me. one day in her shop it was so hot that they filled the bottom drawer of the desk with ice and rested their feet there.
i was incredibly sad to leave; that stony, sulky feeling akin to hugging a lover an indefinite goodbye. i felt murky in the airport, not wanting to look around too much and have my heart broken more.
so i called my neighbors to cheerily check on my cats, who they had promised to check in on daily. "what?" he said. "we haven't been over there at all." they had completely fucking forgot. since tuesday. and i got hysterical. "i only gave them 24 hrs worth of food. go over there right now" i said, crying, trying to keep my voice down but uncontrollably gesticulating, only minorly aware that everyone in the terminal was staring. "i'll stay on the line." i was fucking beyond furious. and guilty. and worried. those two are my babies, as anyone who knows me is aware; i do not ask for much in this world apart from their well-being. "they're fine" he said after going next door, sounding suitably contrite. "we are so sorry."
2000 miles away, helpless, enraged, dripping snot without a tissue, and 7 hours of flying to look forward to. flying away from a place where i liked who i was a little more.
yesterday really fucking sucked.
i didn't get into seattle until after ten. the cats were ecstatic. the only benefit of their not having been fed or watered for 4 of the 5 days i was gone: the cat box wasn't as disgusting as i'd anticipated. to see that they were fine with my own eyes evaporated a lot of my ire. whatever, it's over, it's done, and my neighbors are moving at the end of the month anyway.
this morning life was back to boring normalcy (bormalcy?). i took today off because i knew i'd be burned out; i am working two extra days this week as a result (my own doing). i was having my morning cigarette next to the still-unfinished demon pig statue when she came out. "i am SO SORRY" she said. she obviously felt very, very bad about everything. "they're fine" i said; "it's a done deal. i am just happy they're okay." she kept saying how sorry she was, to the point of becoming slightly annoying; the more i think about the entire situation, the more residually pissed off i become, so it is better to just let it go. (after i am finished typing about it.) i ended up changing the subject; we talked about the hulking pig-thing and how it's been raining in seattle. she gave me a hug. they really are nice people, but the entire incident only serves to remind me how fucking flaky and lonely it can be here.
the comedown wrenches.
and while dallas has some very beautiful cloverleaf ramps along its freeway, i still despise texas.