i cried as i drove away from the airport. and i smacked the steering wheel. and i said 'god DAMMIT' out loud several times. and i called him some horrible names.
there is nothing worse than seeing someone you care tremendously about be unhappy. and there is not one fucking thing i can do to change it. she is the strongest and smartest woman i have ever known. she already knows what she deserves and what she needs to do. it's just a question of when. i do believe this.
the 2nd worst thing: i know how it fucking feels. i was in such a ghastly, manipulative, mentally hateful relationship for so long, and i knew very soon after we met that it was never going to be good. but those tastes of kindness, hilarity, sexiness, insight that he would meagerly offer allowed me to justify a hell of a lot. it kept me clinging to a fantasy even as i fucking knew better. and i didn't want anyone else's opinion, analysis, or pity. no one but t and i will ever truly know to what extent the good and bad happened. and the same is fucking true of her relationship. i have to fucking respect that.
but it is very fucking difficult to do.
i do not even want to count the number of 'fuckings' i have employed as adverbs.
overall: amazing two days. sunshine, debauchery, drunkenly walking barefoot down the sidewalk because of our stupid shoes, 3 am pizza delivery, the hot farmlands of rural puyallup, the photo booth, her $6 shake at beth's, having each other's back. i had an absolute blast with her. it is so fucking wonderful to have a friend. i want to grow old with that girl.
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