got ridiculously stoned last night. it was enjoyable. i am falling off the fucking wagon. i feel like a rubber band about to snap. all i want to do is get severely intoxicated and fuck wantonly. i am having difficulty concentrating at work. the self-imposed moral chastity of the last few years is gravely tenuous. i keep thinking "why the fuck not?" ...but i am enmeshed deeply enough in this new, pure-of-mind&body 'habit' that i feel quite guilty and stupid for even considering the alternatives.
perhaps it's just remembering who i used to be... who i still am and always was, but primly denied. perhaps i am simply the sort who is meant to be high and devil-may-care, flighty flighty flighty.
(and i am also the detrimentally introverted nerd who wastes precious time typing a fucking solliloquy about it instead.)
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I know the harder I try to be a saint, the harder I fall. I get so rigid I snap. I've been on and off the wagon myself and have accepted the fact that I may need to blow some steam off now and again.
While it may be hard to take me seriously when I say this, just be careful. Smoke, and drink, and fuck wantoningly (you have such a way with words), but take cabs and use protection. I obviously should take my own advice there, especially on the last one.
I read your blog pretty regularly. If you're curious as to what I'm up to, or not, go here:
http://www.myspace.com/starrover
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