the 4th dervish dance

26 hours of work in 36 hours. it is fun to be busy. the weather was beautiful and dogs were outside getting into fights, being hit by cars, battling porcupines. cats are generally much smarter (except for tiresias, my blind cat, who i caught mid-pee on one of my shoes when i got home tonight). today was especially insane. laughing hysterically about dog smegma. (it is a frequent benefit of ER work.) the kitten who was almost euthanized this morning but ended up improving as the day went on. the lab who was wagging her tail as she tried to bite me. the pug vomiting undigested, unchewed sausage in the lobby in front of several horrified customers. the woman who called twice, frantic because she was certain her daughter had poisoned her cat and needed to know how to sterilize the litter box in case the urine was toxic. having a cigarette in the back parking lot as the people at the car wash next door blared 'billy jean'... and realizing i somehow knew all the words. one of my coworkers gave me a rose for valentine's day. i had forgotten all about that... another benefit of ER work; the days all blend together, sentimentality be damned.
a severely neurological cat was at the clinic yesterday. the owner okayed a necropsy after we euthanized. i had never seen a brain post-mortem. i am not squeamish about many things but this actually made me cry; what made me disturbed by the whole thing was the cat's face being right there. once the face was covered i could separate the animal i'd been petting and talking to with something that was incredibly fascinating and intricate. the mandibular muscles were peeled from the skull; the skull was sawed (with an actual handsaw), leaving bone-sawdust. a cat's brain is only about the size of an unshelled walnut. i sutured the gap closed. a learning experience, no longer a cat named Bo, i had to keep reminding myself, but it still freaked me out. i felt like a bit of a pansy. i remember the first time i saw a euthanasia. i left the room bawling. part of my brain has to disconnect to be able to function through the fucked up aspects of my job. i feel like a callous monster when i remain 'professional', like a snively twit when i let it get to me. i asked blair (the doctor) if they teach any sort of 'balancing' class at WSU. he said no.
on the way home tonight i saw a car ablaze on the side of the freeway. i had never seen a vehicle actively engulfed before. it was rather beautiful. several firefighters stood beside it, merely watching.
i was cantankerous when i got home last night (exhausted) and decoupaged my medicine cabinet with a tattered mc escher poster. decoupage is fun because, if done properly, one uses their hands and gets slimy and has fun strands of glue to pick at afterwards. my bathroom still smelled like sour paste in the morning. now it looks, dare i say, pretty damn cool... in a dorm room kind of way. my landlord is refreshingly blase about apartment alterations.
i am seated next to the coffee grinder. coffee is another thing, like meat, that generally smells far better than it tastes.
i just reread that sentence. i am babbling in print. a wiser moment would have that deleted. i think i shall just end this instead. i blame tiredness, as usual.