i wrote a half-assed will a few weeks ago. i try to keep the plants alive. i keep the cats fed. i show up at work even though i feel like hammered shit. i write to people who don't reply. i smile at strangers. i'm kind to animals. i hold doors open for people.
these are humane things that one should do because they are alive and breathing and fucking should.
but it is really fucking difficult to justify any of it right now. i am not optimistic of much. i feel like i am killing time until i die.
i have not felt this alone in a very long time.
i don't want to be stone-cold sober, but i am.
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Look at going on the meds if you aren't already (I know you've posted in the past about being reticent to do this) and maybe find a support group. I know with my "issues", being around people going through the same struggles is invaluable. Otherwise, I spend far too much time outside of my work scrutinizing every little thing about myself/life I don't like. And that's a recipe for unhappiness. I think about myself far too much.
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