i saw my parents last night for the first time in months, the first time since my father and i got into an ugly fight in august. i drove to tacoma after school, sucking on nicorette, stuck in holiday traffic. (the further south of seattle, the larger and more breeder-y the vehicles become. rattier, too. it makes me homesick.) my trepidation abated as we talked. it stayed fairly blithe- there was no delving into feelings, aspirations, regrets. thank fuck.
my mother went to a sleep clinic a month or so ago and was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. she was monitored overnight and found to stop breathing around 20 times-at one point her SPO2 didn't register for "an hour." is that even possible? my parents, beers in hand, insisted it was so. "what about organ death?" i asked. "i wonder how many brain cells she's lost!" my dad said cheerily. "it would explain a lot." my mother laughed at that. i smiled politely (inwardly: dammit, be nice). apparently sleep apnea can lead to heart attack and stroke, both of which eventually killed my grandfather- her dad. they asked me if i snore. "i don't think so" i said. it is unclear if it's hereditary- my mother's condition is caused/exacerbated by "an overly large uvula". the most horrifying part: she now wears a mask to bed. it looks like a gas mask with a tube coming off the mouth. it wraps around the head and chin with a wide strap. she showed me pictures of her modelling it. "i call her snuffulupagus!" my father said.
they were both in good moods, which helped enormously. the thing with my folks: i adore them. they are wonderful people... except when they're not. my mother is pretty consistent in temperment (at least, more so than she used to be) but my father is not. have i been on edge, worrying about his mindset, my entire life? it would explain a lot. even if apnea isn't hereditary, neurosis certainly is. in any case, yesterday turned out better than i expected.
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tiresias, about 10 minutes ago:

the christmas cactus is blooming. these guys are amazing. the flowers look like they're vomiting themselves new petals.

and it's thanksgiving in l'america. this was the amount of consumeristic shit that came with the morning paper. the hallmark of the united states: is it greed, blind optimism, banality, or all of the above?


i love working on holidays. it gives me a way to pretend i'm not sentimental.