uncannily: after our first meeting post my grumpily serving the papers personally, we came back to my lair, he suggested van morrison, we drank a bit of wine, ended up professing our love for one another. the prior entry is eerily prescient now. oh god. if i think about it in any logical past-v-present fashion, i get panicked; "what the FUCK?" i berate myself. but if i don't muddle through the icky nuances, if i just allow the moment to be what it is, if i revel in how four month's passing seemed utterly nonexistent, if i cease to contain the shit-eating grin occluding my features... i am such a fucking hypocrite. spastic. the present is all that matters. yeah.
it is sleeting sideways. a scraggly man in a sopping anorak said "i hear it's supposed to rain today" as we waited for the light to change. i am full of good will today... tainted ever so slightly with the vertigo of the rug about to be yanked from underneath.
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2 comments:
While I have no right to criticize you of all people, there are times where one should play God and this might be one of them. Remember that definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Advice I should follow more often than I do.
yeah, i know.
yeah, i really, really know.
fucking mess is what i am, actually.
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