life happens!

i am happy, verging on disbelieving. i shrieked giddily on the sidewalk last night in an otherwise quiet residential neighborhood. "this hasn't happened to me in so long!" i laughed. k was laughing too. "you deserve it, dude" she said.
who knows? i just like being reminded of how easy it is to feel jubilant. maybe that's all i need: that first rush has the potential to sustain me.
*
it made my convoluted dream last night make sense...
we're at a family get-together/open house affair. a bunch of older people who i am only vaguely familiar with are milling about with plastic cups and khaki pants. he starts to grope me in a back room. it's not because he's feeling lusty and impatient; it's because he's a callous moron with no respect for the situation. he is showing off. "this is my family" i hiss. "we can't do it here." he starts whining. "just for a second" he says and pushes my head down. in reality as well as in my dreams, his tunnel vision degrades me. his penis is green and slimy and ice-cold. my head barely touches it and i violently gag. "NO" i say and jump up. a female relative comes into the room. he's on the floor with his pants down. "oh!" she gasps. "i am so sorry" i tell her, and i leave the room.
there is a small parking lot surrounded by a picket fence. i go outside and get into my car. i sit there for a second, looking through my windsheild at a quiet field. it starts to snow. it's serene and beautiful and i feel very fucking calm. i think: i don't have to put up with shit. life's too short and there are too many quality humans in the world. i'm going to be fine.
*
i wake up in a really good mood.
*
i came to where i am currently typing this with the express intent of syncing my phone, but i forgot the cord! silly wench! it is nearly summery today. i am in a t-shirt. a guy and his grandfather shared my table. "i have the better view" said the grandfather in a gravelly voice as he sat across from me. "get to look at a pretty girl." the grandson, who was about my age, smiled at me rather abashedly. "everyone loves a compliment" the grandfather said. there is something strangely endearing about a harmlessly randy old man.
*
as well as being fat tuesday, today is international women's day. what kind of a fucking stupid condescending non-holiday is that?