heart of the sunrise

i woke at 5am, before the paper arrived, and waited two hours for the first sunny day in a month to rear its fickle head.

tiresias and entropy spent the morning vomiting. foul, vile stuff. i fear what i'll come home to. "please do not shit or puke on my bed!" i ordered them before i left. i am not the most sympathetic of owners.
*ye olde bee in bonnet, part LXII*
last night i applied to the summer french intensive at mcgill university in montreal. i looked into that school in 2001, when i was living with j and needing a flagrant life-change (i ended up going to europe by myself, then moving to seattle, instead). i paid the $80 app fee, thinking "yes, this seems rather spontaneous, but i've actually been fermenting this idea for the last decade... and it's *only* $80 should i change my mind." i have been freaking out, slightly, ever since... i have a pretty lovely life here; how audacious of me to fuck with it! what about the beasts? my US-funded, hellaciously-expensive-otherwise meds? the friends i've made here? my two fucking professional licenses?...
and then i think about it: answering the question of what i'll be doing in a year. and i think of replying, "why, i'll be doing something completely different, something i've always wanted to do," and i smile like a fucking fool. i am excited. i am giddy. i am exhilerated and scared shitless and feel like i'm sixteen. but it's time for a change. my reaction tells me it'll probably be okay.
tonight i went on the quebec skilled workers page. i qualify... meaning i may be able to legally work there. i also qualify for general quebec immigration (their province is in its own class, with stricter requirements).
what the fuck? if it doesn't happen, i'll be doing something almost as novel: practicing massage in seattle. ain't nothing wrong with that.
there are many, many months before any of this happens. i just like having the first steps taken, finally.