tenuous euphoria

the cafe is playing mu`m. they are very, very ambient... apparently their music was composed to be heard underwater- they got the idea whilst cavorting in a drained swimming pool. i saw them a few years ago. they were marvelous but what i remember most about the evening is how unbearably hot the club was.
last night i went to a figure drawing group- listened to the entire catalogue of modest mouse (and the more i hear, the more i fucking love them) whilst remembering how fucking much i love to draw. it has been a while- apart from the near-constant compulsive doodling. the walls of the space were lined with mexican saint thank-yous, painted in lurid nightmarish hues. "thank you lady of guadalupe for the gardener who fended off the wild pigs as they attacked me" was one, with a boy being ravaged, blood spurting. "thank you lady of guadalupe for my husband not finding out about my affair and for blaming himself for the gonorrhea", etc.
after the drawing i went to the croc to see the spoils, pink mountaintops, and kinski. kinski i have seen before and they are always fucking amazing- very intense, atmospheric, fuckable music. the spoils were great and the pink mountaintops were incredible. i found their cd for 70% off at tower today (6 more days before they close... very unfortunate). i was in a very jubilant mood after the drawing, akin to a mild upper, thus making it much easier to meet someone who fucking blew my mind. i saw him and thought "whoa. oh god. this is how it's supposed to be." carnal and intellectual fucking lust. jesus christ. i have been grinning like a dumbfuck all day. even if nothing ever manifests it is reassuring to know that the girly froofy hornball facets of me are not utterly numbed by cynicism and despair.
and there was a storm. thursday i was languidly decorating my lair in copious xmas lights- the place rather resembles a whorehouse now- when the rain started to fall. i decided to go on a stroll. in the hour that i was wandering under ominously creaking trees, watching people bail buckets of water from their flooding garages, seeing lightning flash, smirking at the parking lot of aurora avenue, it rained over an inch. the wind got worse later that night. i was over at a friend's house, watching 'the office' (which i'd never seen) and 'the daily show', when it got really bad. garbage cans were rolling all over the street. his dog was panicked- "he hasn't gone out in 7 hours" he said. when i drove home my car was being blown around- entire blocks were underwater- and the illuminated xmas tree atop the space needle was buckling into the shape of a cat's claw. friday dawned calm and sunny. driving around today, entire parts of town are still without power- businesses are closed, intersections are 4-way stops. i saw several huge trees on top of houses, leaning against power lines, splintered into the road. it was rather eerie. my parents, south of olympia, are still without power. "but we're sitting here watching 'sex and the city' with the xmas lights on" my father said smugly. they are running their home off their motorhome's generator. ah, the excess of america. (and yes, they really were watching 'sex and the city', though he would be quick to blame my mother.)
it is now cold as fuck outside, relatively, and they are now playing the dead, and sitting here with my tea, i feel a humble apex of contentment.