benevolent exterior belies internal fisticuffs

i drove into lightning on the way home from work. every 2 minutes, the sky to the north would illuminate horizontally. it put me in a better mood.
i will not fully actualize how truly stressed i am until this enire divorce debacle is over. i have been slogging through a morasse of moroseness over the last few days. even the torrential rain hasn't cheered me. all i have done is work, drive to and from work, and feel tense. i want to fucking throw a tantrum and recieve a prolonged, genuine hug -not at the same time- and cannot seem to achieve either.
my new schedule means that i never see daylight, apart from sloppy commute towards tacoma, and that surely doesn't help. i get off and it's dark, cold, and everything is closed. i have fantasies of coming home to the smell of cooking, lights already turned on, van morrison on the hi-fi, a warm hand greeting my arrival with a slap on the ass. i want to be with someone who won't make me wince when i see them in my bed the next morning.
listening to air tonight. it is good for when leaves blow across the windshield.