4 fortnights of clusterfucking

my car got broken into. my passport and my squeaky dashboard octopi, among other things, were stolen.
tony and i 'got back together.' unsuprisingly, it is not going well.
we now both have a little gift from my disgusting and unsatisfying tryst in february.
helix is in renal failure.
i watched my mom get shitfaced drunk on mother's day.
i was diagnosed with MS.

however, i am not pregnant, i do not have leprosy, and no one close to me has died (yet). things can always, always be worse.
my job in tacoma is going well. very much more challenging. went to training about blood gases tonight. i am pleased that after a week of right-hand numbness (among other things) i am able to place catheters again and all that fun stuff.
the MS thing is inconveniently forefront on my mind currently. i am a bit fucking depressed about it. i look and feel fine, but for how long? i have gotten accustomed to the right side of my neck being numb. i can still drive. i haven't pissed myself. i can recall the street addresses of every place i've ever lived. i am not medicated. but my neurologist is encouraging me to start treatment. "it's like playing a ball game and saving the strongest players for the last inning if you wait to try medications" was how it was conveyed. i have a problem with the concept of permanence. i suppose this is why i rent, am loath to buy heavy furniture, fuck my exes. i have always viewed life as a fluctuation, not anything concrete, certainly not anything with consequences.
this is what scares me the most.
i hate feeling weak and vulnerable. it is embarassing. i have shut myself off from everyone recently.