silly, silly trollop

i am reluctant to write about people on an emotional level, since it always seems to BACKFIRE, leaving me feeling mortified and grossed out by the whole thing, but! i went out with someone a few days ago, and it was a fucking blast. neither of us could figure out where to go. we ended up at beth's cafe. "it's a total dive" i warned him. the coffee was horrible and our waitress smelled of berry lip gloss. we talked for about two hours. the two big points against me that i was nervous about disclosing: i am mid-divorce and i smoke. he was divorced last summer and smokes too. he seemed visibly relieved as well. i am going into this, and everything, with a friend mindset. i am a much better human when i'm a friend and not some GIRLFRIEND with EXPECTATIONS. thus i have spent the weekend with a Friend Mindset, despite finding myself grinning stupidly, feeling zesty and female, knowing that i am at risk of being undeservedly googly-eyed over the first guy in a while to be repectful and sarcastic and laugh at what i say.
fucking women. i mean, really.
today was absolutely beauteous, 70's and cloudless. i found reasons to escape the windowless confines of work for multiple smoke breaks. returning indoors was like walking into a cave. syringe-fed 10-day-old kittens. yesterday their eyes weren't open; today they were. it is an odd feeling to be one of the first things another living thing will see. or one of the last, which happens overly often as well. i have 3 more scheduled shifts at OPE. spring fever is assaulting my work ethic in a bad way. all i want to do is not have anywhere to be.
pink has been declared a total loss. the insurance company appraised it at more than what i paid 2 years ago, ha ha. i will be keeping and fixing her. it is very annoying to have the comparably boatlike rental car in my neighborhood, bypassing all the parking spots that pink would easily fit into. it is even more annoying to be car-dependent for the sake of my job(s).
i was walking home tonight (parked several blocks away, under fragrant trees dropping petals) and passed a lit basement window. the glass was encircled with red xmas lights. visible were several people in supine embraces on sofas. it was like a modern-day opium den. just a glance. i continued walking, feeling that flaky happy 'what an intricate yet totally accessible world' sensation. the air was soft and sexy. the hallways of my building smelled of marinara. the pendulum is swinging upwards.