open flame

it has been an idea i've been mulling over for some time, much to my vain girly shame; after seeing my coworker bounce into work saying "i feel so good!" i took a break midday and... tanned. i needed some fucking warmth and brightness. it's late fucking april and still at least 10 degrees below average. it is nearly the same temperature as fucking anchorage.
"you don't look pale!" my coworker chirped. "my brain is pale" i replied.
the surly, hipper-than-thou wench at the tanning place (which has such a grotesque name i shall not repeat it here) had to show me everything, because i did not know. how to open the damn bed, for example. those "wink-ease" things i mocked in a post prior? yeah, i have my used ones in my back pocket right now. fucking hypocrite. and no one mentioned that a tanning bed is fucking terrifying: like a hot sweaty blinding MRI. U2's "beautiful day" played over the sound of the fan. my ass stuck to the glass. i had an image of my nipples blistering and falling off. and then i started to get relaxed and revel in it, and then it was over. i only got 6 minutes despite my pasty self lying about how i don't really burn.
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DON'T JUDGE ME!
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you would think, by this picture, that it's a hot lazy day in the lair. it is not. i have the window open because it's fucking april, but the heat is still cranked. the cats have not had the sunshine to lay about in for more than, oh, 10 days total in the past 9 months.

when i look at this picture i think "abortion storm."
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the other night s and i watched a suspicious individual shittily try to park his van on a completely empty stretch of sidewalk; he inched back and forth for at least 5 minutes. it started as a "what the fuck is that guy doing?" voyeurism. then he sat in the driver's seat. smoked a cigarette with the window up. changed his shirt. crawled into the back of his creepy molester van. was he checking the gags on his victims? shitting into a bucket? masturbating? smoking crack? after a few minutes he reemerged. got out through the passenger's side. put on a hoodie that completely hid his face. put on a reflective, huge parka. stood next to the van for a few minutes. walked down to the end of the block, looking around nervously. turned and walked until we couldn't see him any longer in the opposite direction. we were rapt and fogged up the glass during this 15 minute-plus drama.
bad shit was afoot! i am sure of it. so i took a picture of his plates. if you see this on an amber alert, you'll know why.

one of the guys at the place i'm typing this at is sarcastically singing "time passages." come on, that's a good song!
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it is one of those rare times when all the weird-ass drama in my life is not involving me! i cannot help but feel incredibly grateful by this. perhaps i prefer to be more of a spectator in my advancing age.
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it's been a good few weeks. i received some money from my oma's 'estate'. i suddenly have the freedom to do a few things. as someone who lives every day like it's my fucking birthday, doing pretty much whatever the hell i want, i can be "responsible" with this... my "ooh, i can afford this!" antics thus far have involved paying $9 at the whole foods salad bar and buying a pair of shoes on sale- both of which i would have fucking done anyway.
that's the problem with how i live, though it isn't a problem... but i tend to not really, you know, restrain myself too terribly much. luckily i have fairly low standards.
a couple weeks back it was pretty enough. i am almost able to resume the blue study. never mind that it was cold enough to elicit a nonstop flood of mucus.

today, as i was leaving work, a hobo pushing a shopping cart said "hey, nice hair" to me. "thank you" i said, smiling back. he didn't even ask for money. he was just being complimentary. he kept pushing his cart because he had shit to do.