this week has been a stimulating, unnerving clusterfuckery. the details of such are comical even to myself.
i keep thinking about things that are not optional. i miss s more than he misses me. i know this. maddeningly, he probably knows this also.
but i digress.
every time i wait for the traffic at the N end of queen anne to turn onto aurora, i admire this sign. i finally had enough time to snap a picture- a crappy, terrible picture, which i need to redeem at some point.

yesterday i remembered how lovely it is to be home in the morning. i never am anymore. i have somewhere to be by 1pm everyday- which sounds leisurely until one considers i work until 3. it sounds simplistic, but it was really lovely to hang out with my guys again. i colored eyeballs in my anatomy coloring book and played al green. and i had the heater cranked in september.

labor day 09, my first proper holiday off in 2 years. d and i went wine-tasting. he had never been. i convinced him not to buy bottles from the first place we visited. we ended up walking the grounds of ste. michelle- i'd left the camera in my car. drove to snoqualmie falls and got utterly misted. returned to his lair to watch 'huli kuli', dissonant anime, and 'chasing amy', which i'd never seen before. it was really good. it warmed my cockles. it reminded me of him and i.

i live in perpetual momentum of the future, the 'what if', the imminently disappointing. perhaps i should focus more on what is, and how goddamn wonderful things can really be.

fuck, i should focus on how wonderful things already are.