higher ground

we made a glorious mockery of divorce. talked in the hallway, him in a suit, me in 4" heels ("you got new whore boots?" he asked admiringly; i forget who started calling such shoes this first), thereby missing our names being called. returned to the back row of the courtroom, making rude jokes about the decidedly more white-trash company, feeling sad for the woman who'd been seperated since 1989 and whose husband was somewhere in mexico, or the woman with crunchy bleached hair whose husband was in jail ("make sure you let him know he's divorced" the judge said gently), both of us alternately snickering and crying and his hand on my knee, talking about how nervous we both were, and how sorry, and him saying "it's just a piece of paper." "well, marriage didn't work" i said. "maybe everything else will." "while you're still my wife-" he said, and kissed me. i wonder if we are the first couple who were kissing prior to getting divorced. i am rather proud of that. we ended up being last. the judge was a kindly older woman with white hair. the whole thing took about five minutes. "this is how it should be done" she said several times. "thank you for both being here."
we left with our arms around each other. "that was kind of anticlimactic" i said. then we got into his car and went to the spar. i hadn;t been in downtown olympia in about a year. i had cringingly sweet tea, he had grilled cheese and a coke. and we bullshat, as friends do, as friends who have been through every conceivable life-fuckery together do. on the way back to pick up my car he said "we need a new song. the first song that comes on:" it was 'suite judy blue eyes' by csn. and it fit very nicely. the trees lining the road were covered with blossoms. the sky was dim. and it felt like we were as we always were, but better, easier, sexier, freer, in our old turf- and with the world wide open and fresh for the first fucking time.
i am no longer married.
and i feel really, really fucking good about him, and us, and everything. i feel calmer than i have in a very long while.