this has been a very good day. it is hot, the sun was shining, and i felt more frivolous than i had in a while. went to hempfest. it is held at myrtle edwards park, which encircles the 'shore' between downtown and the grain silos of interbay; the water was sparkly and the air smelt of marijuana and barbequing meat. i was offered a hit before i even got there; i politely declined. the sweaty masses were a pleasing olio of grey-haired, tie-dyed couples and teenagers in paraphenalia t-shirts. lots of fake marijuana leis and coronets. a man on stilts. i bought a hardbound book from the hare krishnas. learned i can qualify for medical marijuana, should i desire... so shall begin my second career as a dealer? one of the bands was absolutely horrible, a tuneless drunken lemmy, if one can imagine. the other i heard was a reggae band, of course, but it made me quite cheerful.
i have been resonating from the movie i saw last night. 'lost in translation'... hadn't gotten around to it until now. my fucking god. the ending was brilliant. i was laying on my floofy rug in a shirt and underwear, 2 in the morning, and i audibly said 'oh god' and began to cry. his smile was the best part.
loneliness allows for instant rapport. i know this well. would such situations work outside the moment? i think not.
when i was in paris i met a guy from zambia -white, of the british-invader variety- and we impulsively went out for the evening. we walked to the eiffel tower, he bought me a flower, i don't remember what we talked about, but it was so marvelous to be in that fantastic, succulent city and SHARE it with someone that everything had an exaggeratedly sexy patina. we got back to the hostel and mauled one another in the stairwell. and then... morning, AWKWARDNESS, a feeling of the night before not being any part of my life- not my dull little existence!- and he left town, and i left a few days later, and... that was that. i must say, though, that being by myself the next day was even more depressing, because i'd had a taste of how fun and rich things could be.
everyone is 18 at heart, and believes in true love, and feels that same giddy rush when the right person grins back... and nothing, nothing is more sensual than a touch with nervous restraint. everything after that is, in a small way, a bit of a letdown.